havent been on here in a minute....
haha. oh well.
i'm still alive. working and going to school. i started my internship with this great place. i'll have to come back and tell you about it later. damn xanga has changed so much i dont even know how to work this shit anymore. HAHA.
geesh. crawling out of the darkness that is myspace....
hey to anyone that will read this. it's been too long since i've posted but with myspace's addictive nature, it's hard to come back to xanga. i just wanted to update everyone on my current situation. still in school. this is my last technical semester before my internship in spring with for kids, inc. which is a homeless shelter & transitional housing for homeless families. then i'll be graduating in may with my bachelor's in human services and minor in psychology. hopefully i'll be able to get a job with for kids, inc then as a case manager. for the time being. i want to go back to school for social work or marriage & family therapy but i'm not quite sure which one yet. then come june i will be getting a NEW last name, as i will be marrying adrian, the wonderful dude i've been dating for 2 and half years. i've very happy about becoming a wife and soon after that i hope to start my own family and then take on the family role of a mother.
as for my last post that i did on my godson passing away. it has been almost a year and as hard as that has been for me & his mother in particular... she was lucky enough to have a healthy baby girl on sept 11. she is the spitting image of her older brother and i'm so happy to have such a wonderful neice like her.
my other godson, chase is growing like a weed and is almost walking. he is such a special little boy to me... i love him so much.
anyways.... i have a ton of homework to do... but i wanted to update ANYONE that cares. miss xanga a lot. maybe i'll come back.
love always
jay
hello to anyone who still reads this. but anyways. i havent been on xanga much cause myspace is my new vice. but i wanted anyone (i say that cause i dunno who reads this) that i'm doing fine. started school and stuff like that. just trying to enjoy my life. i've been kinda depressed for several reasons but i'm not sure what they are. i miss my nephew badly. i miss jasmine. i'm not ok with my current weight. i feel like i have 100 things in my head & 75 of them in my heart. my mind hasnt been in the right place lately and so naturally i've been neglecting my best friends. i'm just ok but not ok in so many ways. i'm sure this will all pass soon & i'll get back to being my happy self, but until then... i'll just pray.
hey it's me again. i've been spending time on thanksgiving break, trying to really enjoy the break. trying to cope with the loss of my nephew. & trying to swallow other people's reactions to his death. i guess people deal with things in certain ways by not knowing what to say, acting sad when they really arent, acting happy when they really arent. it's hard because some people have never experienced death close to them. they dont know what it feels like to lose someone close to them. i've lost a few family members as i got older and it's never easy but you realize whats ok and whats not ok during a time of pain. i just dont know how to explain how were coping with stuff.
today was a horrible day. my best friend & her husband lost their 2 month old baby boy (my nephew). we couldnt wait for that lil booger to get here & now he's gone. i cant believe it. i'm so lost right now. i'm so angry. i'm so hurt. i'm upset. i'm so..... nothing at all. i cant imagine the pain jaz is going through right now. & her husband was stationed in iraq this whole time. he never even got to see that beautiful baby. worst of all she's in new york (she was visiting family) & i cant be there with her to hug her & hold her. i cant help her at all & i feel so helpless. i just wish this was a bad dream & that i when i wake up tomorrow he'll still be here. i just wish i could hold him & kiss him one last time. i wish he knew how much we loved him and how much his mommy & daddy loved him. he was our miracle baby. please keep our "family" in your prayers.
tonie lee sims
snoopy
09.24.06 - 11.23.06
my squishy.
i love you so much baby.
give jesus a big hug & kiss for me.
remember me when i get to heaven
cause i got lots of love for you baby.
your mommy loves you so much!
hey ya'll...
i'm back for a minute. just thought i'd let everyone know that i'm alive and well. i really really really need to start updating this on a regular basis but i just really seem to forget. that drives me bonkers. but anyways i do want to update ya'll on whats been going on in my life.
- adrian and i are doing fabulous. he is absolutely great as always. we've been handed a few curve balls though. the only think that i think i could change about adrian if i could would have to be the person he becomes when he drinks. he doesnt drink a lot or even often, but when he does... he is not adrian. he's angry, defensive, just a plain asshole. back in september i think he got a DUI which we went to court for last week. he lost his license with permission to drive to and from work and his ASAP classes. last night when our little second family had thanksgiving, things got out of hand and him and another dude got into a fight. needless to say both of them got crazy with it. it was just horrible. we had a long good talk about his limits and who he is when he drinks. i think he finally realizes he cannot drink like he use to when he was younger. so thats that.
- school is going great. i really couldnt be any happier with the grades i've been getting back. i feel like i'm finally focuses in my life. for once, school is not a real serious burden for me. more like an enjoyment and way to grow in my education. i love it. i just finished counting up my credits and it looks like i'll be graduating spring 08 if everything goes smoothly. if classes are offered when they can be. i just hope and pray that things will work out. i'm so excited about graduating. then i can focus on getting married and starting my family!
- friends. haha. friends. thats a joke. no seriously i have wonderful friends: amber, phylania, jaz, dora, randy, etc. i love them. as you probably noticed ebony is no longer in that list. it would take me forever to explain why we arent on the status that we use to be, but if you've been a faithful reader... you've known that in the past her and i have just had our times of hardships. lately, she wasnt a friend. not to me, and not to the rest of the girls. and if i had realized how true she wasnt all these years, i would have left and saved myself a lot of pain and tears. but oh well. i moved on, i wrote her off. i mean we are still friends to the degree of being kind and saying hello and speaking occassionally. but i dont confide in her, i dont trust her -- i just dont love her like i use to. it's really sad. 10 years of friendship gone down the drain because people dont appreciate their friends, they dont tell the truth, and they dont stay true to themselves. but god has got me through it.
- my godson, chase, and my nephew, tonie, are doing great. they are so precious. i love them sooooo much.
basically thats about it. i'll probably update this sometime next month to let everyone know how this semester turned out. please send comments, it really helps me feel like blogging here again. once again if you have a myspace hit me up.
wow. i'm really boring. if you're on myspace. hit me up there.
www.myspace.com/poeticmurder2003
anyways if anyone cares or even reads this L0L. jasmine had her baby boy finally. i'm so excited that he's finally here, finally. haha repetitive. i know she is too. both of them are doing splendid. he looks just like her. it's almost like she just spit him out. he's her duplicate. but yea. i was in the room when she delivered him and that had to have been one of the most amazing experiences i've ever... experienced. there is nothing as beautiful as watching life come into this world. it was breath-taking. i'm so ready to have some of my own.
school is going well. i still have struggling with that damn biology but hey... thats life. i'm not gonna like everything i take. i'll be so happy when school is over for me and i can jump into the real world.
adrian and i are doing good. i really think an engagement is approaching us. LMA0. boy am i excited about that! i cannot wait to be his fiancee, and more so his wife. i'm so thankful that GOD put someone in my life that i was made for and vice verse. i'm really happy.
anyways i got a friend thats been tripping HARD over some real stupid bullshit. hopefully she'll get over it. i cannot go into details because i dont want to risk the chance of another person reading this and then spoiling everything, so i'll just say this particular person is being very selfish and spoiled. i am not the only one who feels this way. apparently quite a few others feel the same. i just hope she grows up and deals with being an adult. thats tough.
i hope ya'll are enjoying the halloween themed page right now. i know i'm a few days before october but i was bored and i'm so excited that fall is here. i just really love the string of holidays that come in the fall & winter. i love halloween cause of the kids and i love thanksgiving because of family. i just have to get through halloween and thanksgiving and then... CHRISTMAS! yay! i L0VE christmas.
but yeah. once again i'ma try to write in this more because i want to get a reader fan base ya know. i use to have mad people readin this blog. and as much as i love myspace, i just dont respect the blog community there. oh well. much love to you all. god bless.
i know i said i was gonna update more on this but dang on... i straight up forgot about xanga. myspace gets love all day. but anyways... yesterday was probably by far the worse day of this year. it started off with saturday night...
ebony threw carson a suprise birthday party. only he wont that suprised in the end. LMA0. i thought it was pretty funny. i ended up finding out that i like bud light. i'm not a beer person at all. i dont like the smell or the taste of it. but for some reason bud light just was an exception. so many i wont feel so left out from now on when people have parties with just beer. haha. well there were MAD skateboarding/surfing/whatever people there. bit weird to me. i mean yeah i'm white but i dont neccessarily get down with all of white culture. i'm a mix of both white and black. i cant help be this way. from early on i felt more comfortable with black people. but basically there were T0NS 0F PE0PLE there that shared no common interest with me.
after that, a bunch of scallywags came in. looking for the unsuspecting victim. i hate girls like that. and pretty much everyone and their mama was up in the house and i couldnt deal with it. so i decided to go to nat's. it's this bar that adrian use to go out to a lot with his boys. it was dan's 28th birthday so they were celebrating. i was gonna surprise them. i had a long island, hung out for half an hour and then decided to drive back home. adrian stayed. and i figured he would.
he also had to usher in the morning so i asked him to make sure that him drinking was not gonna interfer with his religious responsibility to usher. he promised me it wouldnt. and it did.
at quarter to 6 he decided to drive home from dave's after taking a 2 hour nap. he stops at a redlight. and falls asleep. cops find him. give him a test. he blows a .16 and he's arrested for DUI. and part of me was ANGRY because he's so foolish when it comes to drinking responsibility. it is possible to have a good time & drink and be able to drive home later. he doesnt grasp that concept quite yet. part of me was HURT because he promised me that he wouldnt drive home drunk (from a previous argument we had one night) and because it seemed it cared nothing about his life or the life of another. and i was very THANKFUL, that somehow the lord made him stop at that light and fall asleep. because i wonder if he had gone any further would he have killed himself? would he had killed another? i know i couldnt live with that.
god was looking out for him. and i told him now he has to ask god to fix it. he said he didnt feel comfortable asking god to help fix something he did out of sin. and i told him "god knows what you did was wrong. so just tell him you know you messed up and you're sorry. and ask him to help you. thats it."
but i'm just so happy that he's alive. god really is so good.
tell me how hilarious this statement is:
"I've also never really been a fan of Survivor, but I'm very interested in seeing out these Cooke Islands turn out. They are dividing the teams up into Black, White, Hispanic, and Asian. Who is gonna win? I think I might just have to find out. Its obvious I'm rooting for the Black people, but I actually think the Asians might take this one. For some odd reason I feel like they would do there thing out there on an island.... Who knows..."
coming from someone who berrated me on racism back in february. LMAO that statement just made me sick...
no i think you dug your own hole right there. 
man i've been feeling so studious lately... i love it.
EXCUSE ANY TYPO'S... I'M SO TIRED RIGHT NOW, I'M SILLY. 
working my tail into the ground will probably result in good grades, i'm sure. i just hope that i can keep my head above water and stay focused this semester. i have a real probably slacking off in the middle and i know that i can NOT do that this semester. too much is at stake right now.
anyways school is going pretty well, i enjoy all of my class except for one. bio lab. ugh. wtf. blah. argh. i'm sorry but what the hell do i need to take a fuckin lab to understand this biology shit? i understand it quite well based on lecture thank you! oh well... it's old dominion's attempt to make me a more well-round student. which i find that idea very retarded. once i am finished with biology i wont remember diddily squat. i'm sure when i have children and they start to take biology i wont be able to help them because i dont remember it. why? because if you dont utilize the education you recieve it dies off. like mrs. eccles (my high school chorus teacher) said "if you dont use it, you loose it!" that really couldnt be more correct. i think it's just another way for ODU to get more of my father's money. which he isnt liking too much...
anyways other than that i'm pretty good... things have changed
- i had a huge fight with amber, but we made up
- i became a godmother on august 24th to chase andrew greene (the cutest little boy in the world!)
- jasmine has yet to have tonie even tho she shouldnt yet (she's due sept. 18th). i really hope she doesnt have him that day because i have lab and i'm not feeling having to make up that lab. not cool. but she should be having him within the next week or so. i'm so excited because i'm going to be in the room - yay i get to watch live childbirth AWESOME!
- i havent been babysitting for mary kay, so therefore i dont have any money - i'm basically relying on adrian for everything
- petsmart is opening on military hwy. so hopefully i can get a job there in the aquarium dept. that would be really awesome
- last but not least, adrian and i are so wonderful i cant even describe it. i love him so much and with how things have changed in my life i realized that he is always going to be there for me. it's really cheesy when people say this but he really is my best friend. i go to him with all of my problems, i trust him, and i spend most of my spare time with him. i love it. and in my opinion thats how it really should be. in order to have a successful relationship with anyone, you have to be their best friend. plain and simple. that is a deep friendship & relationship combo in one! it's awesome.
but i really need to get a shower and go to bed. i've been studying for biology for the past 3 hours or so and i need to recoop.
much love to you all! 
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