March 25, 2005

  • [ mood ] ::  broken


    [ quote ] :: "well if it means anything to you... your ass looks fabulous in those pants!" - jaz


    [ xangsta ] :: TheOneAndOnlyJ - awww xoxo **


    [ new subs ] :: away_messages_4_u - thanks xo <3


    [ freaky fridays ] :: call me crazy but this isnt a big hit is it???


    i'm thinking about changing this...


    and i really dont feel like it right now...



    IT'S GOOD FRIDAY... <3 the love should be all around...


    as bad as i am... as much as i sin... as much as i delight in the ugly... there was a man that went through agonizing pain so that i wouldnt have to in hell... that blows me away... i always look at it as... god loved me so much... that he sent his son, HIS CHILD... to be ridiculed, tortured, and murdered... so that i could have a life with him... it just doesnt get any better than that... WOW...


    but romantic love... ugh that love...


    I HATE LOVE... IT JUST PLAIN OUT SUCKS!!! LMAO


    what sucks the most is that it doesnt work for everyone... the thing with love is it's a fuckin game (sorry god lol it's good friday)... you love this person, they love you but they love someone else, that person is in love with another person... it just goes around in a circle... it's not right... you cant be in love with everyone... i'm dying right now on the inside because i'm in love and that person is in another world, they have no freakin clue what they are doing... as if that isnt bad enough... i'm getting a re-enactment of all this from my friends... and i'm trying to make sense of that... i really cant take the pain anymore... i feel like dumping my inside on xanga right now and letting my heart just pour out... but i wont cause thats weakness... or is it?  it's not so much of my heart breaking... it's watching someone else's heart shatter that kills me... maybe i will just come out and say it...


    i love cory - jesus it's been a while since i typed that... and i miss him... and if he reads this i dont really care... i'm coming clean... you think you know everything about me... and you dont... you think i dont know you... but i do... i know you think i cry every night but i dont, and you probably think that you run across my thought every second, and you do, but it doesnt kill me... and while i'm not shattered like i was before, that doesnt mean it dont hurt just as bad as it did when it happened... you are the ONLY guy that has made a positive impact on my life... you are the ONLY guy who has helped me see things the way the rest of the world see them... you are the ONLY guy that has reached a certain depth in my being that WILL NOT let go... i've let you go and still you rack my brain... I HATE IT... but i love you... and while this is all so bittersweet... it makes me feel better about myself at times... it's so beautiful really... i still love you, i'm a better person because i love you... i made my mind up long ago about who and what you are to me... nothing is gonna change that... i dont expect nothing from you... i just expect you...


    lovers scorn... but god it hurts the same when your best friend does it too... ebony i love you... please dont shut me out... you have the opportunity to have what i've been fighting for... so please dont let it go... <3


    anyways i kinda have a big day ahead of me... with school, and doctor, and i dunno...


    oh yeah... this is a first... 100%... A BIG DAT FOR JOSH HARTNETT


    as bad as the day got to... i realized that it's not all that horrible... and nothing made me more happier than to see all those comments from you guys... <3 i love ya'll


    dont get me wrong... i'm not down or nothing... actually i feel AMAZING that i said that... it was something that needed to be said... much love xoxo


    <3 jay



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Comments (5)

  • hi, are u alright?

  • Jay,
    I just want to tell you. I know EXACTLY how you feel with the love thing and the situation with Cody. My boyfriend and I went out a awhile back, he broke me. However, I thought about him A LOT after that. And he was the only boyfriend who ever impacted me positively. Okay not the only one, but the only one who it's just hard to explain, but you basically said everything *nods* It's tough, but hang in there... who knows, second chances are odd things.

    And yay good friday! *spreads the love around, as well as huggles and cookies.* TGIF! Woot woot! hehehe.

    Well I got work to do. And seriously, you rule hehe. Post comments later!

    ~Munchki

  • Are you justy uber-sweet to visit my Xanga page and whatnot?  You're pretty awesome too... thanks for the love.  You know I have to come return the favor.

  • Haha, I did better than I thought I would on that quiz - 60 , It's a pass -YEES!

    It's amazing when you think about what God did for us, tradgic also  - the way he was treated ;[

    Have a happy Easter <3

    Rach<3

  • i love you for sentimental reasons...and all in between...you will never be alone as long as i'm breathing, okay??

    p.s. technically, i got cheated on your quiz, because your brother's real first name is william and his middle name is justin but we call him justin. that was a trick question. i love andi, but i whooped her ass!!

    love you

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